I grew up in a family that moved around a lot so letting go of things I possessed, and connections I made (we had no social media back in the 80s) was just a normal thing to do. It was not always easy to do and it meant having to constantly adapt to new situations. As an adult, I think this is why I regularly get extremely restless and overwhelmed when there is a lot of clutter or when things slow down or feel stagnant. Letting go often meant a newfound freedom… And sometimes, there was another layer that I did not explore.

In recent years, especially with the health and wellbeing field, it almost becomes a regular mantra that people post or say… LET GO of the past, LET GO of relationships that don’t serve you, Don’t be afraid to LET GO and embrace your dreams, Travel light in life and LET GO… It’s also been very interesting to see how the minimalist movement and law of attraction mindset may also have a big part to play in this. The approach to life of letting go to hold space for new things, people and situations that we want to invite/manifest into our life.

But what if there is a shadow side to this approach to life? As with many things, there is a healthy and unhealthy side to it. I want to focus more on the potential unhealthy shadow side… This is something that I have been deeply reflecting on in my own life and with my clients. So, I wanted to share some thoughts and reflection questions with you… No rights or wrongs, just a space to explore!

I lovingly call the shadow side of this approach to life a LET GO Syndrome. I want to start with a few simple common examples:

① My personal example: Many years ago, I was going through burn-out – Nothing felt right, I did not like where I was living and felt really stuck. This was when I decided to get rid of many of my personal possessions and move to a new city. I thought that by letting go of many things/people/places, I would create real change. What I realised was that even when I was in a new city, with new people and new possessions, I was still facing my own stuff that I did not deal with. Essentially, I still brought all my old inner baggage with me to this new city. Letting go was not the answer – I needed to confront my inner blocks first. The first 2 years were tough facing a lot of it alone.

② A common example I see with clients: Many times, I would hear my clients tell me that they felt the need to break up and let go of a romantic relationship – And that when they did, they still attracted the same type of toxic relationships patterns with potential new romantic partners. Some clients would also share that they wish they gave their old relationship a chance by working harder with their ex-partner first, instead of choosing to let go as a default response when things started getting hard. In one client’s words – Letting go was not the magic pill!

③ Energy Cord-cutting – This is a huge topic in the spiritual community. And one that I am not aligned with in most cases. If you look up energy cord cutting, you will see that many courses and methods promise a way to let go of toxic energy cords in our energetic bodies. What many people are not told is that an energy healing session or a quick meditation is not always enough… Sure, it may feel like you have let go of something for a while. Most people find that that energy cord soon returns. Most energy cord-cutting methods are usually not going to provide long-lasting results. I talk more about this top in this post.

I think the key reflection question to ask our Self when we want to let go of something is: Am I avoiding, bypassing and/or distracting my Self from anything that I need to face and work on?

I look back now and I wonder if priding my Self in going along with the Let Go! Syndrome was actually an excuse not to work harder on the issues first – With relationships, on business ventures, on ideas etc. There have been many times when it was the right thing to do and it was a healthy choice. But there are also moments in my life that (If I am brutally honest) I used this Let Go! mantra as a quick way to get away from my Self. This would then be reflected in my external experiences until I finally did the inner work. It was only then that what I wanted to let go of would naturally be released. I could have avoided the spiral staircase effect if I went straight to the source and dealt with my own issues.

As we are living in transformational times, many of us are making important choices in our life. Sometimes it is a choice we choose and other times, we make choices because of changes beyond our control (which can often be hidden opportunities for Self-exploration).

Wherever you are in your life’s path, I invite you to reflect on this topic.

Use this as part of your journal writing or a reflection practice – I highly recommend writing it down as a form of release too… It’s often easier to make sense of something when it is literally in front of us on paper.

📝 REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

On your personal approach to letting go in life – How easy/hard is it for me to let go of something? Do I tend to hold on to anything even when I know it is not good for me? In which area of my life do I find it easiest and hardest to let go?

Thinking back to important moment/s in my life – What did I let go of and why? What inner work did I have to do to truly let go? If I am 100% honest with my Self, was the choice to let go of something a way of avoiding, bypassing or distracting my Self from my inner work?

If you are making changes in your life – What do I need to face first before I let go of [fill in the blank]? Am I escaping any part of my responsibility in my inner work now? What have I been avoiding? What do I vision this releasing process to represent in my life? If I let go of [fill in the blank], what would this mean for me?